Saturday, November 26, 2005

The God Damn Movie Theatre!


I don't hate people.. I LOATHE people.. Individuals are cool, certain people are iight, but everyone else are a bunch of god damn douchbags. They offer no value or substance to existence, other than getting in my fucking way when I walk, and being complete retards. The movie theater experience highlights just how awful some people can be.

Lets get down to some real pieces of work that help foster these feelings of hatred

#1) The Movie Theater - Candy Booth People. Why Does it take 4 people to make my Coke... you would think they were splitting the fucking atom. Everyone on the line is going to order a drink.. yet every time you order a drink they have to pull out the stash of cups from underneath cupboard, open the plastic rapping, pull out one cup, go to the back and get ice and then ring you up. Now ringing up your order turns into the SAT's for these people.

Lets say the bill comes out to $11.46 and you give them a $20 bill and $.46 cents. You better plan on catching the next showing. Fucking retards!

#2) The Movie Ticket Ripper - Can you believe this shit. There are people so fucking dumb and slow that they can't even rip a ticket straight...they shake when they hand you your stub and don't know which way the theater is.

#3) The movie theater watcher. Here is the problem... there are just so many of you assholes out there

a) The Brown Bagger - Yes.. the 400 pound black woman sitting in front of you did not eat dinner before coming to the show.. and yes she is eating a bucket of fried chicken and licking her fingers. I actually saw a woman have a full cob of corn at the theatres with the metal holders and all. Thanks for bringing the stinkiest food ever and making me gag before Saw 2.. Oh yes and there will be blood!

b) The Baby Sitter - How Fantastic... You have brought your 6 month old, nipple suckling baby to the midnight showing of Star Wars 3. You are such a great parent. I really enjoyed your infant screaming and bellowing during the dialogue and fight scenes. It really made for an enriching experience. I hope your fucking kids turns into terrors and keep you up all fucking night (of course you wont notice since you probably close your doors to get some shut eye. Good thing I have Children Services on speed dial. Fuck You People!

c) The Hello Moto - Great.. your cell phone is going off! I am surprised it only took you 6 rings to figure out it was your phone, thats pretty tough to tell since your the only asshole with the Coldplay ringtone. Oh and yes feel free to take the call during the climax of the film. Just send me your number and ill be sure to call you after the film and let you know what you missed.

d) The arm wrestler - Who need elbow room. Please feel free to put your cruddy, pimply elbow on my arm rest and take my space. Why dont you just give me a reach around while you are there.

e) The Inquisitor - What did they just say? I didn't hear? Of course you didn't hear what the people in the movies said, you were busy asking what they just said, dick head. Maybe turn your hearing aid up a little would help, or I could turn it up for you since your damn elbow is already on my arm rest.

Screw the movies, I am renting InDemand.

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