The Mens Room is a Shit Stye

You women are soooo lucky you don't have to deal with the public mens room. There is always some fucked up stuff going on and each incident is sicker than the next.

I will try to bring you in for just a few snippets as to what we have to deal with on a daily basis, so you can be glad you have a Vagina.

There are many different types of mens rooms, from the stalls at Giants stadium, to the urinals at your local bar. The following observations apply to those stalls open to the "general public".

1) The urinal violator - OK we all know the scenario, you walk into a bathroom, there are 3 urinals and 2 stalls. Some sick fuck decides to take the middle urinal because he wants to look at, grab and hold your penis tonight. What do you do? Well you sure as hell don't go to the stall, that's like closing the prison cell. You put your junk back in your pants and get the fuck out.

2) The toilet bowl- why is it that every toilet bowl in any mens room looks like a scene out of Silence of the Lambs? Lets just say feces is the cleanest thing you will see on the seat in any public room. I would chose to piss in the sink in this incident.

3) The bathroom attendant - This one really irks me! Has it really come to the point where I need someone to wash my hands after I drop the Cosby kids off at the pool? And yes, keep talking to me while I urinate. Maybe we could go to the bar holding our penises and talk about sports, the weather and memories past? Here's a dollar, thanks for passing me the paper towel. You should at least get a reach around and possibly the zip up for your money.

4) The Smell - There is something ungodly about the smell of all mens rooms. I think the problem starts with the fact that we have a dangling urinal gun that fires in streams. Urine is everywhere in a mens room simply by gods cruel design and our horrible coordination after a 12 pack. Aside from the urine there is the feces, semen, dinner and Mung leftover, which congeal into the most delicious smelling aroma. If you were to take a blacklight to a mensroom it would look like a Dali painting.

5) The Urinal Cake - Nothing cake-like about it. Why they call it a cake is beyond me. Some asshole must have taken a bite after a long night of drinking. Every cake I have ever seen has at least 1 cigarette butt in it and makes the bathroom smell more like shit than the stalls.

6) The Wild Life -There is always a new species of insect or fungus which I notice crawling around the room. The most recent addition which gave me the idea for this posting was a cockroach with wings.